“The casket should be closed. Do not bathe me. I have picked out a salwar kameez (Punjabi clothing); don’t buy me a new set, and do not bring my body home (traditional in the UK)”. When she would talk about these details, we would all simply reply, “Yes, ok Mum” not fully grasping the depth of support she was providing for her children and our Dad. She wanted to support us through our most trying time.
This was my mum, Gurbaksh Kaur Dhillon, until the very end.
She was fearless and free from an early age, my uncles and aunts (Mama’s and Massi’s) tell the infamous story of the king cobra in the grain storage room, and how my mum, a fourteen-year-old tomboy with her sidekick, a bamboo stick, entranced the cobra and then applied the final blow. As she walked out dragging the ten-foot long monster by its tail, she shared a few choice words with her brothers (mum was the youngest of seven).
My mum was a religious and spiritual being; she embraced her faith with both hands. She wanted her boys to be Sardars (turban-wearing Sikhs), and her wish was that we should stay connected to our faith and be proud of who we are, and of our rich cultural heritage. She always challenged rituals and traditions surrounding our culture/faith too; little did we know that the biggest ritual she would challenge would turn out to be the one surrounding her own death.
FACT: Death is part of the journey we will all face. The general attitude to death, might I say, continues to be problematic/underestimated for a lot of people. Death must be conquered by the individual, and not feared. Yes I know it is easier said than done, so what would be required to create such a mind-set? A strong faith in self? To be spiritually awoken maybe? What I do know is that for over five years, ever since my mum was diagnosed, she never once felt ‘victimized’. The question, “why me?” was never asked. She would say, “your dad has been good to me, you boys have turned out well, I’m just going home now…” She understood that life is simply a journey, an experience to be had, but not owned. In order to live this way you must have unwavering faith in your beliefs, something she possessed in abundance.
After hearing about this final chapter of my mum’s life, I was asked to conclude the previous article I wrote about my mum meeting HRH Prince Charles, “The visit from the future King of England”, as a piece which helps us all to challenge the nonsensical rituals and traditions we are surrounded by. The takeaway lesson from this chapter in our lives, and your lives, should be this; to question all rituals and traditions that we so blindly follow. Do they bring peace and love to those around you? Because my mum questioned, she allowed us all to begin celebrating her life immediately. Because she challenged the norms of our culture, she provided us all with strength to accept her passing and carry on living this life we have been given.
My mum was very rarely to be found quiet. She would light up the room with her so-called knowledge of “anything and everything”, for which we will forever remember her. She was a ‘real’ person, someone that had flaws and faults of character just like everybody else. In her final chapter she set a standard for all to witness and appreciate. She left the world as she had lived it, fearlessly, positively and without objection…and as the tuq (quote) from the Sri Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh’s 11th Guru and our holy scriptures) above says, ‘you must conquer death whilst you are still alive’, I believe mum achieved this. It should therefore come as no surprise that even the future King of England felt touched by her magnetic personality, her positive energy that always radiated from her. Her ‘Chardikala’ (forever positive).
On the 21st of June 2013 it only took less than nine-minutes for the future King of England, His Royal Highness Prince Charles, a man who must meet thousands of people, to be ‘touched’ by my mum, Gurbaksh Kaur Dhillon. In the early hours of Saturday 21st of September, my mum peacefully left her earthly abode, her vehicle of expression, after battling cancer for over five years. She left the same way she had lived, content and with much dignity. Though her 64 years seem to be short to her loved ones, if you step back and observe she did in fact live a beautiful and fulfilling life, and she lived it in utter control.
On Friday the 4th of October a delivery was made to our family residence in Birmingham, England. A bouquet of white roses and lilies, and a sealed generic-looking envelope was hand delivered. The day after the bouquet and envelope arrived, a senior nurse from the hospice paid us a visit. She shared with us how Prince Charles had asked to be kept “up-to-date” with Mrs. Dhillon’s condition, she said the flowers and letter should not be taken as a simple gesture, it was not common practice. The special delivery that had arrived was from HRH Prince Charles.
A copy of the letter from HRH Prince Charles is reproduced below.
(Items in bold were handwritten using a calligraphy type of writing pen)
I have a theory that a person’s electromagnetic energy can be stronger than his/her spoken word or any facial/body expression that may be created. Sometimes we think the ‘connection’ we make with another individual is due only to the spoken word being shared between both parties. Maybe that’s true in some cases, but how about the connection of your energy fields, the real you? Scientists are now describing how the heart, which is a muscle, is surrounded by an electromagnetic field that pulsates and keeps us all ticking. That same electromagnetic field encompasses our bodies too. It was not my mum’s ‘broken English’ and the fact she accidentally called him Charlie that connected with HRH Prince Charles that day in June, but their ‘energy fields’…everyone in the room bared witness to it!
To His Royal Highness Prince Charles, on behalf of Mr. Rashpal Singh Dhillon & family; thank you for honoring the life of Gurbaskh Kaur Dhillon.
